Stars
I continue to be victimised by the British musical artist Simply Red. His 1991 song Stars holds the keys to my healing.
The first four bars of Stars by Simply Red trigger instant tears for me. Real tears. Like, the abdomen-quivering, mucus-conjuring kind. Listening to it is a great way to bring on a cry when I know there’s one lingering. I can’t get on with life while hosting an unreleased cry so I put on Stars, succumb to anyone who ever held you, and proceed accordingly.
A little Stars before I hop in the shower.
A little Stars after work.
A little Stars when I’m homesick.
A little Stars while the kids are out.
Released in September 1991 Stars was the second single from the album of the same name.
That year 20 paintings were stolen from the Van Gogh museum in the Netherlands.
A war devastated lives in the Middle East.
The eruption of Mount Unzen killed 46 people in Japan.
The eruption of Mount Pinatubo killed 800 people in the Philippines.
The Warsaw Pact was dissolved in Prague, Czechoslovakia.
Clarence Thomas was confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice in the US.
An attempted coup d'état occurred in Haiti.
Tim Berners-Lee announced the World Wide Web project.
Apartheid legislation was abolished in South Africa.
I was seven years old.
History is an arena of contested narratives. I’m more fascinated by what the body remembers and in Stars I can hear my own attempt to forget. Suppression is a form of remembering though, which is perhaps why I haven’t deleted the song entirely from my life. I also happen to think it’s a great song. It announces itself with a double snare; an alarm that freezes and then instantly defrosts me, sending a rapid signal to my brain to RELEASE TEARS NOW. The bassline moans but never fails to support the electric piano and synthesizers. Within those first four upbeat bars, there’s the broken promise of optimism. You fall through the stars and straight into your own arms. I’ve joked about being hypnotised to Stars so I can uncover the grand mysteries of my 1991 once and for all. Was Stars on the television in the living room while I crouched behind the maroon couches? Was Stars on the radio while we drove to my all-white primary school? Did I inch closer to the stereo speakers to drown out the sound of violence while Simply Red sang anyone who ever held you? Or is there nothing there at all apart from habit formation and my own preference for a scheduled cry rather than a spontaneous one?
I’ve never been too concerned with the lyrics in Stars. The feeling was always enough. This week I examined them closely and felt they were an insufficient apology for what the song puts me through. I want to write the lyrics down, place them in an envelope, and send them to myself in 1991. I want to open the envelope while kneeling near the speakers in the living room with the maroon couches while Stars plays. I want to laugh at the silly, silly words. I want to be a light and curious child instead. I want to land somewhere after falling from the stars.
For the man who tried to hurt you
he's explaining the way I'm feeling
For all the jealousy I caused you
states the reason why I'm trying to hide
As for all the things you taught me
it sends my future into clearer dimensions
You'll never know how much you hurt me
Stay a minute, can't you see
that I wanna fall from the stars
straight into your arms
Listening to Stars can trigger weeping. Use cautiously, especially around children.